Mambo Samantha Corfield

Back to the "Good Enough" Marriage Article!

Hello everyone!  So in my post of June 23,  I gave you all the link to an article about the "good enough" marriage and/or relationship.  I definitely wondered what you thought about that article - agree, disagree? 

I am happy to say that some of you did comment on the article!  :-)  (You can always read peoples' comments on these posts - just go to the post and click on the little "comments" link below the post to read what others have had to say about the post.)

It seems that most of you think pretty much the same way I do - there is NO SUCH THING as a "good enough" relationship.  I just thought that was ridiculous and was poor advice to give people.  Yes, some of the things in the article were good, but just the idea of settling just to be with someone seemed crazy to me.  I have told many of you that if your relationship or marriage was "ok" that meant you had a poor relationship or marriage.  Now, of course, that is just my opinion, but I could never see spending years of my life with someone who I just thought was "ok" for me!

I did want to share what some of you said and have the chance to comment on it here (my comments are in italics).

 

schweety said:

Well, I read this article awhile back, and then came back to comment on it. The reason is it hit very close to my home. I was in a "good enough" marriage that eventually wasn't good enough. I can look back on when I made the decision to marry my husband, knowing even then I thought I wouldn't get another offer. I "settled" for 13 years. I am not saying all 13 years were bad. There were a few years that were great, a few where I felt I was doing all the work, and a few I felt he did a lot of the work. We lost of sync but I am not really sure we ever had it to begin with. When I met my HD, in a short time with him, I realized all the things I didn't have in my marriage. My husband and I didn't have passion, we didn't have romance, I missed him "being" proud of me sort of showing me off. I missed the physical part for most of those 13 years. Again not to say sex wasn't there, it was, but more of a "routine". I look at different people in my life, Mambo and Parran being just two of them, and you would have to be blind to not see how passionate they are with each other and how happy. Don't settle for someone, life is too short. I have to believe what Mambo has told me over the years and that we have many soulmates. My husband gave me the best things in my life, my two sons, and for that I will always love him. But I know, without a doubt, no matter how hard it is sometimes, that God didn't want us to be alone in this life, and there is someone out there who is looking for us too. Don't settle. There is a difference, I know I have lived it.

Jun 23, 2009 on The "Good-Enough" M…

 

>>Right!! This happens to a lot of people - they get married because they think they won't get another offer.  This especially happens to women who are taught that they must get married, have children, and fit into a certain mold. But, on the other hand, as you say, you got your beautiful children from this union!  That is where a lot of questioning comes in - sure the marriage turned out not to be wonderful, but the children are!  Of course, you were supposed to have those wonderful children!  But yes, we want to live and love with someone who truly adores us and each and every one of us should have that in our lives if we truly want it.  Thank you, Schweety, for using Parran Matt and me as an example!  We are very lucky in our happiness.  :-)  We wish the same for all of you!

 

amanda said:

Mambo I love this article. I think many times women(men too!) believe that there is THE perfect person out there for them. While I do believe there are certain people we are supposed to end up with, I definitly do not think it is going to be a fairy tale ala disney style. I also think some clients come to spellmaker expecting to make their ho hum relationship into a disney classic. Spellwork is not going to do that, nothing will. My HD is not who I thought I would wind up with. I was picturing myself with Enrique Iglesias, yet HD is jewish, covered in tattoos and piercings, dropped out of college, doesn't care about money, doesn't care what kind of car he drives, etc, yet he treated me 1 million times better than any smart,rich pretty boy I thought I would end up with..HD isn't my 'good enough,' he is my imperfect perfect!

Jun 22, 2009 on The "Good-Enough" M…

 

 >>Oh yes, the "illogical" choice, I love that!  Since Parran Matt and I are kind of the voodoo Demi and Ashton, one could think on the surface that we were the "illogical" choice for each other.  However, if you are around us for even a short period of time, you see it makes perfect sense.  The fairy tale has many possible endings.  ;-)

 

Simone Greene said:

I had a "good enough" marriage. It wasn't. Something the article does not address is how we change over the years, and how our situations change. In our early 20s, almost everyone our age is available, so there is a huge pool to explore and choose from. In our 40s, not so much. Our experience shows us a far different set of things that are important. Who is to say when we are being realistic and when we are not? Do we have a caste system for potential dates and mates, where we can't marry up or down? Relationships are a lot more complex than a set of criteria to meet. A short article like that can't cover it all, but luckily we have our Mambo and Parran, Sisters and case workers to guide us. ;-)

Jun 19, 2009 on The "Good-Enough" M…

 

>>Yes, "good enough" just isn't and in the end, despite what that article says, there is always a level of dissatisfaction that will emerge with a "good enough" marriage... in my opinion, life will be filled with "what ifs" IF one has a "good enough" relationship.  You are so right - realism exists on an individual basis.  As far as that "caste system" - trust me, we see it a lot in our work - "I can't be with so and so because s/he isn't my religion...or race....or age, etc., etc."  Nevermind that true love exists!  Sigh.

 

phantodrac said:

Wow! This was really interesting! I agree with it up to a certain point- but I feel that the article deemphasizes the love and romance that's important to a relationship way too much. Have we, as “modern-day” and “independent” folks, set our expectations way too high for love? In many cases- yes! It’s important to be realistic and open minded. That being said, we can’t simply take a defeatist attitude and get ourselves a business partner instead of a love. I think that the five guidelines that are set out in the article are essential for a lasting, healthy relationship…but it has to be treated WITH love- not like you’re writing out a legalistic contract. Also- people change. Our loves can change as people and their goals may vary from what they were originally. It’s up to us to decide if we want to remain with them if and when that happens. If you’re just marrying someone due to coinciding goals and interests- what happens when those change? If you’re marrying someone out of real and true love for that person…perhaps you’ll be more likely to say, “okay, this isn’t what I expected- but I love you. Let’s keep going and see where it takes us, baby!” Point being, if you approach things TOO “mechanically” you may be setting yourself up for just as much of a letdown as the person who holds out forever, searching for Prince Charming. For me, while there IS significant wisdom therein, this quote just depicts someone who is desperately trying to rationalize their actions: "If I had to settle for a new Oldsmobile when what I really want is a Porsche, I'll never be satisfied. In truth, the Oldsmobile is new, it's pretty, and it works. Why wouldn't I be satisfied with it?" Dude- you came into the shop telling the dealer that you wanted a Porsche. Maybe you saved a few bucks…but you’re going to be driving that car for a LONG time. But hey- all power to ya. This is just my knee-jerk reaction; I really feel it’s a blend of the two extremes, a tightrope walk. Also, right now I’m young, idealistic, and a total romantic. Who knows what I’ll say come a few years from now. But, hopefully, I’ll be saying it from a Porsche- one with a dang good warranty. ;p

Jun 18, 2009 on The "Good-Enough" M…

 

>> As I highlighted above, this is exactly true.  There has to be some balance in the approach of looking for and sustaining a relationship.  I love your twist on the car analogy!  ;-) You are right, there is no easy answer, but here's hoping for that Porsche! 

 

Love to all, Mambo

www.spellmaker.com

 

Patience.

Hello everyone!  Can't believe it is already July!  :-)  I know we have talked about the subject of patience before, but I ran across an article that I thought might be really helpful for everyone.  Probably one of the biggest issues that I find with people who are trying spell casting is that they run out of patience before they can reach their goal.  This is becoming more and more true. Just by the very nature of our society with "instant messaging" abounding, we are all now seeming to expect that our lives will "instantly" manifest for us just in the way that we expect them to.  Well, although technology has jetted us into some kind of alternate universe that we THINK we live in, guess what, the REAL universe hasn't changed that much.  Life isn't an XBox game nor is it a Facebook page nor a tweet on Twitter.  Those things are peripherals to the real life that still exists seemingly to be ignored by quite a few people. More and more I hear from clients that they don't want to wait, they want everything now, and even the least amount of waiting sends some of them into an angry orbit.  Some of the stress levels that I see from even the youngest clients worries me; I want to tell them just to slow down before God slows them down permanently.  I just don't see how they can continue to live like this where everything is supposed to happen at the pace of a ding on their phone with yet another text message coming in.  A lot of people no longer seem to want to grow with the process; they don't want to improve themselves or their spirituality.  They don't want to learn about themselves or, gasp, change anything about themselves.  It is all about instant gratification; an eternal rat race to get more and better gratifications that in the long run turn out to be not at all what they thought it would be and so now we need a prescription to alter our minds and makes us think we are gratified.  Slow down, people!  Experience what is in your life - quit jumping from thing to thing looking for the bigger, better, faster "thing." Don't get me wrong, I love the technology that allow us to communicate with each other and be in touch - if only it were truly used that way.  Instead, I think it just gets to be information overload as we jump from one tweet to another without even a moment's consideration of feeling something about what we just read.... gotta get to the next tweet - it might be something even more important!  It isn't the technology I have a problem with!  I use it all.  What I am concerned about is people's inability to get beyond this technology and remember to live their real lives. Anyway, I think this short article is great and I have inserted some comments into it.  Kudos to the author!  I couldn't have said it better myself. Love, light, and peace, Mambo Samantha Corfield www.spellmaker.com THE ARTICLE How To Develop Patience - by Steve Scoresby In a world of instant gratification, people jump from "stimulus" to "response" without as much as a second thought. Patience is the "pause" in between that allows us to get the result we are really looking for. Here is how to develop more patience in your life. Webster's defines patience as bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint, or being steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity. I believe this why patience is called a virtue. It is little practiced, but much needed. At the first sign of difficulty, many jump to an easier, smoother path, hoping to avoid the pain and suffering that is necessary on the road to personal growth. But it is only by taking this rough road do we gain the experience necessary to develop our character. Impatience robs us of these types of life experiences. How would your world be different if you practiced more patience? Patience is the ability to hang on when everyone else has given up. Patience is ability to release your need for immediate gratification and wait for the things to come in their own time frame. Patience overcomes criticism and intolerance. Patience develops committed relationships in marriage, family, church, community and career. Many a great leader have displayed patience by looking before they leaped, thinking before they acted, and considering before they decided. Patience is the mark of maturity. So now we know the virtues of patience, how do we develop more patience? First, realize that no one is perfect, including yourself. Accept yourself and others, imperfections and all. Everyone is struggling with their own set of fears, weaknesses, obstacles and crises. We are all on the road of personal growth together and can help each other by showing more patience and kindness to each other. >>> MAMBO'S NOTE:  This is so true! So many times there seems to be a forgetfulness in people doing spell work that their HD might be going through something in their life, TOO. When it is pointed out, generally the response is that one doesn't care about that, just hurry up and get to me! Second, develop a consistent philosophy of life based upon a value system you believe in. Then when you are confronted with a situation, you can make your choice based upon the value system rather than an instant gratification response. With every choice is a consequence. Do you act now and settle? Or do you wait to get the result you truly desire? Third, change your perspective on the past, present and the future. Stop dwelling on your mistakes and failures. They cannot be changed. Instead, focus and what you can do now to make a difference. Life is a blessing and each day should be lived as if it were your last. Start fresh everyday and remember the future comes one day at a time. What can you do today to change the results you have in the future? Fourth, confront your fears rather than avoid them. Do the thing you fear the most and the fear will go away. "That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do it has increased." By doing more, it becomes easier, and when it becomes easier it becomes fun rather than stressful. Finally, realize that all things come to those who wait. The Universe, the infinite force that connects us all, will bring the people who can help, the answers you may need, the tools and resources you are looking for when you need them. You must have faith and be patient and believe in your goals, realizing that they will often not be accomplished according to your original plans. Circumstances change. People change. Things change. Let go of your anxiety, disbelief and doubt about achieving your goal. Know that The Universe is constantly supporting you and will always help you achieve the things you desire. Just be patient!

The "Good-Enough" Marriage????

Happy almost Friday, everyone! ;-)
Okay, so I am sure the title of this post has you wondering what the HECK Mambo is up to with that title? LOL. Well,it isn't exactly my title. ;-)

There is an article that I want you to read and tell me what you think! Some of you can guess what I think, especially if you have had a consultation with me and you told me that your marriage and/or relationship was "okay." You know what my answer was to that, but let's not spoil the fun for everyone else. Hahahahahaha.

Anyway, I would like to know what you think of the concepts presented in this article. You can join in our discussion by simply clicking on the "Comments" link under this article and typing in your comments. You can come back to this article and click on that link again to join in further discussion as more people comment. You can comment on comments! I only ask that everyone respect everyone else's opinion, even if it differs.

When I saw this article I just wondered how many people out there of marrying/relationship age, especially if you happen to be a little bit older and waiting for Prince Charming or Mr. Right or Mr. Soulmate, would agree with this article. Or do you disagree, and why? Or is there no easy answer? ;-)

Let me know what you think!

WebMd Article on The Good Enough Marriage - click here to read it.

Love, light, and peace,
Mambo Samantha Corfield
www.spellmaker.com